Ghost Sheep
by Rubidia
Summary: The Hitchhiking Ghosts' many adventures throughout the mansion with their slightly dead sheep. Yeah, I know....
1. A Sheep?

**A/N: Here's the revised version of Ch. 1. This is a bizarre comedy about the Hitchhiking Ghosts' many adventures throughout the mansion with their dead sheep. Yeah, I know….**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Disney.**

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A baa came from the mouth of a very random sheep that tiny Gus was clutching. The three were standing in the front courtyard of the Mansion, the façade bearing down on them impressively.

Phineus and Ezra exchanged confused looks.

"Ummmm, Gus? Why do you have a sheep?" Phineus asked timidly.

"_Ghost_ sheep." Gus corrected.

"Right, right…But why do you have a _ghost_ sheep, then?" he replied patiently.

"Sheep good." Ezra turned to Phineus and shrugged.

"Can't hurt to have a sheep around, I guess," he said nonchalantly.

"Try telling George that," he brought triumphantly.

"Good point. Unless…." Phineus sighed, preparing for whatever crazy idea the skeletal ghost had in store for him.

"Unless what, Ezra?"

"Well, we don't have to tell him about the sheep," Oh, that wasn't as bad as he'd expected…

"No, but then we'd be smuggling a sheep around, and that would be weird," he replied.

"Like this would be the first time we've smuggled sheep!" Ezra cried, flourishing his arms dramatically.

"True…" Phineus pondered this proposal.

"Sheep good." Gus proceeded to knocking Phineus down with his ball and chain.

"Oww!! Okay, okay, you can keep the sheep, Gus. But you have to take care of it this time. Remember the last time you had a pet? You would have killed it, had it not already been dead." To this Gus nodded eagerly.

"Gus take care of sheep! Gus won't stuff sheep down organ pipe this time." Phineus nodded approvingly.

"Very good, Gus. Now take your sheep, and don't let George see you with it!" The two watched as their vertically challenged friend trudged away with his immensely bored looking woolly pet.

"You know, I always thought there was something kind of off with him." Phineus remarked to Ezra once the dwarf had disappeared inside the mansion.

"Really? I never did…"

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**A/N: How was the revised chapter? Hope it was a bit better than the original…**


	2. Lots of Pizza and A Very Tiny Collar

**A/N: Chapter 2! Yay! Hope you enjoy it! Thank you to all my reviewers of Ch. 1. You're comments are appreciated and all critique is considered! Bear with me, please, and keep reading! I love hearing what people think!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Haunted Mansion or any of the Hitchhiking Ghost's. Only their sheep.**

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Phineus and Ezra were lounging lazily in the Graveyard. Ezra was busily eating away at a whole pizza, while Phineus watched with a mix of repulsion and fascination.

"Ezra, what are you doing?" Phineus finally asked in a voice that said 'I don't really want to know, but feel it is my civic duty to ask anyhow'.

"Eating," he mumbled around a large pepperoni.

"But…we're ghosts. We can't eat."

"So?" Phineus sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Only Ezra…" he muttered, turning his head away, "Do you know where Gus went?"

"Mmmhhnnff." Phineus looked at his partner, standing up. The skeletal ghost had just crammed two slices of ham and pineapple into his mouth at once.

"….I'm going to…go find Gus…" he stammered, transfixed on a string of cheese hanging out of the corner of Ezra's mouth.

Ezra attempted an 'okay', but dropped a large piece of crust out of his mouth onto the grass in the process. He gave Phineus a thumbs up while hastily shoving the chewed up piece of bread back into his mouth. Phineus, thoroughly disgusted, gave him a weird look and headed back towards the mansion.

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Phineus found the dwarf in his room, absorbed in an epic battle to jam a cat-sized collar over the sheep's head. So far, the sheep was winning.

"Make head smaller!" he cried out in frustration, "Make head smaller!! MAKE HEAD SMALLER!!" The tiny man grabbed his ball and chain, preparing to bring it down on the ectoplasmic livestock's noggin.

Phineus lunged forward, knocking the weapon out of Gus's hands. "No! Bad Gus! You promised to take care of the sheep! If you keep shouting like this, George'll hear and find out about him!"

"Gus take care of sheep!" he insisted, "Gus name sheep Lobster!"

"Lobster?" Phineus repeated questioningly, then, thinking better than to query Gus's decisions, chose to quickly remove the tiny collar from his reach instead. "Why don't we see if we can find a bigger collar, Gus?"

"NO!! Gus make head smaller!"

"Gus, remember, we use our words, not our actions." Gus then flew into a temper tantrum, throwing himself onto the floor, thrashing around in a rage of screams and sobs. Phineus rushed to restrain the flailing midget before he broke something, and they spent the next fifteen minutes wrestling around on the oh-so-dirty carpeting of Gus's cell-no, sorry, room.

When the dwarf's fit had finally died down, the two rose, panting heavily, faces flushed.

"Better?" Phineus asked through sharp intakes of oxygen.

"Gus better," he sniffled. The two looked around the room.

"Oh no…" Phineus whispered in horror, eyes darting from the miniature collar he held in his hand to the open door.

"Bad Lobster." Gus said. The transparent sheep was nowhere to be found.

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**A/N: Bum bum bum!! Dramatic, huh? No? Didn't think so…Anyways, R&R! Please leave your comments, I'd love to hear them!**


	3. Let's Go Find Us A Sheep!

**A/N: And so, after millions of Dare to Explore updates, I have decided to return to my other equally awesome work. Darn you powerful charms of drabbles! You're distracting me from the dead sheep! :)**

**Disclaimer: And I **_**still**_** don't own Disney. Amazing how I haven't managed to gain control over a zillion dollar empire (Not actual statistics) in a matter of hours.**

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Phineus dashed out of the mansion, dragging Gus behind by the collar (Yes, they had to keep a collar on him) to the graveyard where Ezra was still pigging out on his pizza.

"Ezra!" Phineus cried between jagged breaths, "Ezra! The sheep-"

"Lobster," Gus added.

"_Lobster_ has…has escaped!" He finally managed to wheeze. Ezra stared at them uninterestedly for several moments before turning back to his food. "Well?" Phineus said accusingly after a minute of silence.

"Well what?" Ezra replied, still focused on finding a way to eat the last slice while talking, finally giving up, unsuccessful.

"Well you have to help us find it!" he said impatiently, stomping his foot.

" 'm eatin'" he choked out, getting pepperoni all over his front.

Gus whacked him with his ball.

"OW! What was that for?!" he shouted.

"Ezra help find Lobster!" he said indignantly.

"Fine. I'll help find _Lobster_. Nice name, by the way." he grunted.

"Gus picked it himself!" the dwarf stated proudly. Ezra patted him on the head, giving a maniacal laugh, thoroughly unnerving Phineus.

"Let's go find us a sheep!" he said in a weird way that made it sound like he was about to march off in slow motion, pulling a pair of sunglasses down off of the top of his head, and pointing a girl who would swoon and melt away at the thought of Ezra acknowledging her presence, which he did, except the whole part about the girl was all in his head, causing Gus and Phineus to share an uncertain look.

"Even Gus is scared." the midget said, his jaw hanging down.

"Come on," Phineus said, directing the tiny man to follow their crazed friend.

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**A/N: If that whole thing with Ezra made no sense at all, let me know, becuase it made sense in my head, and I want everyone to get it, because I think it's really funny.**


	4. A Very Important Document

**A/N: Wahaha…Next chapter of Ghost Sheep! Yay! I do so enjoy this fic…**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Disney. Ability to speak in sentence failed. Hope it fix.**

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Meanwhile…

George was sitting at his desk in the library, filing some important documents. He looked up when Wolfgang stepped in. He stood to greet the gloomy organist.

"Hello, Mr. Wolfgang. What brings you to the library on this fine evening?"

"I _hate_ 'fine evenings'. Rain is much better," the grumpy ghost growled, "But, I came to file a complaint." George sighed. Not again…

"Oh? What ever could be the matter?" he responded in what he hoped was a chipper voice.

"What's the matter? Well, those darn dancers, that's what's the matter!" he spat with distaste. "They are always so…_happy_! They are ruining the masterpiece that I've slaved so hard on my entire after life! How can I sit and wallow in my own misery if they are always waltzing by! They are supposed to be dancing to _my_ music! That means slow and drab! Not cheerful and peppy!"

"Yes, Mr. Wolfgang, I'll talk to them about it. Why don't you go and play some more, and I'll inform them of your complaint once I'm done with this paperwork." Wolfgang grunted, but grudgingly turned and stomped back towards the ballroom.

"Now, finally I can get some work done…" George said in an irritated tone. He returned to the desk, but when he reached for the papers, he found that… something had taken a huge bite out of the corners!

"What are those three up to now?" he mused angrily.

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The trio dashed down the hallway, pausing to peek through every door. They reached the library, and were about to fling open the entrance when a very angry looking George stepped out.

"Uh, George!" Phineus stalled, attempting to pull an excuse out of thin air for whatever he was about to accuse them of. "How…strange to see you here! Tell me, what brings you to the hallway today?" he stammered, pulling on his shirt collar.

"I was just about to finish some important paper work, but when I finally got to it, something, or some_one_ had taken a large bit out of it! Now, how could that have happened, do you suppose?"

"Us? Oh, well, we have…no idea what could have happened, right guys?" Phineus said, jabbing them in the ribs.

"OW! What was that for? I mean…no idea, yeah." Ezra said, giving Phineus a big, conspicuous wink before nudging him back. George stared at them queerly.

"Lobster." Gus said simply. Phineus looked outraged, and was about to yell at him for giving them away, when he realized that George had no idea who, or what, for that matter, Lobster was. He slowly let out his huge intake of oxygen. George gave them another queer look.

"Okay…" he mumbled, "I'm going to the…the ballroom."

"Wolfgang made another 'complaint'?" Phineus said knowingly.

"Yep." With that Master Gracey gave them a curt nod, turned on his heels, and began to march determinedly down the hall. He stopped abruptly, flipped around, and started matching again, slightly red, as the Hitchhiking Ghosts burst into laughter. He had been strutting in the opposite direction of the ballroom.

Phineus sighed a breath of relief.

"Phew!" he said, "That was close! Come on, let's go find Lobster before he leaves behind any other 'evidence'." The three started trotting off towards the séance room, just in time to hear a scream from above their heads. The trio paused, and turned to look at each other. "We have to hurry! I think I know where Lobster is…"

"Yeah, me too," said Ezra, looking relieved, "And I am _so_ glad he managed to wander in there! I've been dying for a taco all day!" The other two stared at him once more.

"I meant the _attic_." Phineus clarified to his slightly deranged skeletal colleague. And they started off towards the stairs.

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**A/N: Ahhh, I love this story…**


	5. An Encounter With Emily

**A/N: I come with gifts! Okay, well, not really **_**gifts**_**, per say, more of **_**a**_** gift. Well, really more like a chapter, whether that's a gift or not…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Disney. **

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Phineus began to get nervous as he mounted the attic stairs. There were a lot of screams coming from in there...

They reached the top, and Gus knocked politely on the door.

"Gus," Phineus said impatiently, "Judging from those screams, I don't think that us not knocking would be such an invasion of privacy. It sounds like the sheep is mauling Emily!"

But, to his surprise, he heard the young bride call for them to come in through a sweet, sing-songy voice. He shrugged, then thrust open the knob and leapt inside. The other two followed in a much calmer fashion.

Emily stood in front of an intricately framed full length mirror that bore a large crack on its surface. She was busy twirling dead flowers from her bouquet into her thick tawny locks.

"Oh, hello, boys!" she giggled. Gus and Phineus shared an awkward glance, but Ezra, meanwhile, was giving her a big wink, making motions indicating that she should 'call him'.

"Hello, Emily," Phineus began, "Umm, we heard screams coming from up here. Are you all right?"

"Me? Of course, silly! I wasn't screaming. You must have heard something in another room. I've been practicing my singing all morning." Phineus blushed.

"Ummm…Yeah. Yes! We must have been hearing the graveyard ghosts, or something…Yes, that must be it…" he stuttered, "Well…Oh! Hey, have you happened to see a, oh, I don't know, _sheep_, perhaps, lurking around here today?"

"A sheep? No. I saw a couple of goats, but no sheep," she said, fluttering her eyelashes, and making a kissy face in the mirror.

"Really?!" Ezra spouted, ecstatic, "Where did you find the goats?! I've been needing a goat for ages!"

"Oh, they were over there. In the trunk…" Ezra ran over to the case she had gestured to.

"Hey!" he cried indignantly, pulling the lid up, "There aren't any goats in here! This trunk is full of old clothes and stuff!"

"Oh. Oopsy! Guess I just get the two mixed up sometimes…" she trailed off dreamily. Phineus stamped his foot impatiently.

"Ezra!" he barked, "Stay on task. We need to find that sheep! George has probably already discovered its sorry little woolly behind!" He grabbed his two comrades, dragging them down the stairs to continue their search.

"Goodbye!" Emily called after them, waving perkily before returning to the mirror, and resuming her 'singing', all three of the hitchhikers clamping their hands over their ears.

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**A/N: You know, I think I really like this Emily character…**

**(She's almost as nuts as Ezra, just a lot dreamier...They're soul mates! Literally!)**


	6. Eternal Misery

**A/N: Wow, chapter six already! And here I was thinking that there'd only be about five chapters! Seems it'll need to be a bit longer…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Disney. **

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"Well, we've searched the front of the mansion, the attic, and the graveyard. Where to next?" Phineus asked his colleagues. Gus shrugged, and Ezra suggested that they look in refrigerator. Phineus marched them into the ballroom.

He spotted Wolfgang stuck in the corner, growling as he pounded out on the keys. Dodging dancing couples, they made their way over to him.

"Hello, Mr. Wolfgang!" Phineus began brightly, but the angry organist thrust his hand up to silence the round man.

"Why does everyone insist on being cheerful around me?!" he spat, voice heavy with disgust, "I'm trying to pour my misery into my dear, dear organ! Is this too much for you simpletons to understand?!"

"I'm so very sorry, Mr. Wolfgang," Phineus said apologetically, "It's just, well, you see, Gus here had gotten this sheep, and now we've lost it, and we're trying to find it before George does, because, well, I don't know why, but we don't think he'd be too thrilled about a sheep, so…" he paused and took a deep intake of oxygen. Wolfgang snarled.

"Gus," he said with disdain, "_Gus_! Why did you bring him here? I hate midgets!" Gus grunted indignantly, preparing to thrust his ball into Wolfgang's stomach, but Phineus stopped him.

"He might know where Lobster is," he hissed quietly. Gus nodded with understanding, then set his ball down gently. Then, more loudly, he addressed Wolfgang again. "So, have you seen him?"

"The midget? Yes, he's standing right there,"

"No, the sheep," he said earnestly. Wolfgang paused, then turned to face the three for the first time since they had arrived.

"Yes," he said finally, "Yes, I saw him. He was over there, by the dining room table. Stole one of the chops, he did,"

"So he's a cannibalistic sheep," Ezra said, "That is so…_cool_!" Phineus was astounded at how easily Wolfgang gave them that information.

"Where go?" Gus asked.

"Don't know," the organist said gruffly, "One of the dancers ran into me when he was running out, and I was so busy growling at them, I completely forgot about the sheep until know,"

"Oh," Gus said gravely.

"Are you all right?" Phineus asked, "You seem awfully…_cheerful_,"

"What?! How dare you accuse me of happiness?!" he shouted, fuming, "I am eternally miserable, and will never sway in my ways!"

"Okay!" Phineus squeaked, frightened, "We'll just be going now, then. Bye!" He dashed out of the room, followed by Gus and Ezra.

"Thanks!" Gus yelled over his shoulder as he disappeared around the door.

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**A/N: Please tell me what you think! Oh, and for the record, I have nothing against midgets, that's just Wolfgang's emo-ness. Really, I don't! Oh, and there'll be more on that Wolfgang being happy thing later, don't worry! It will all make sense in time…**


	7. The Price

**A/N: Am I really already on chapter 7? Okay, enjoy…**

**Disclaimer: I really don't own Disney.**

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The three found themselves in front of the séance room door. None of them were extremely happy about this, seeing as Leota had indeed been the cause of their deaths to begin with, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

Phineus knocked tentatively. In response, the door slowly drifted open of its own accord. He shrugged, then walked in.

"Why is it always so dark in here?" he wondered aloud, flipping on a light switch.

"Oh, thank you!" a voice cried from inside a large crystal ball placed on a round table, causing them all to jump in surprise, "I've been dying to turn on the lights for ages! It stinks having no arms!" A head had appeared inside the orb, emitting an eerie green glow. Ezra extended his hand towards it, but a small sign appeared on the table reading:

_Don't Tap the Glass_

He pulled his hand back, looking dejected. Phineus nudged him, irritated, then stepped forward.

"Madame Leota?" he asked uncertainly, "We w-were wondering if you had seen our…sheep?" he finished sheepishly (**Hahaha, I make myself laugh…**).

"Ahhh, yes. Your sheep. Lobster, I believe?" Gus nodded eagerly, "Yes…Well, I can tell you where it is…for a price," Phineus sighed. There was always a price.

"What do you want?" he asked, discouraged.

"I want…your soul! Ahahahaha!" she cried with a wicked grin.

"Er…We can't give you our souls," Phineus said, confused.

"Why not?" she snapped back.

"Well, because, if we were to give you our souls, we wouldn't really be here anymore. We _are_ our souls…we're ghosts…"

"Oh…right. Sorry. Well then, I want the Season 2 DVD collection of Desperate Housewives! Ahahahaha!" Phineus gave her a blank look.

"Why do you want the Season 2 DVD collection of Desperate Housewives?" he asked.

"Doesn't everyone want the Season 2 DVD collection of Desperate Housewives?" Ezra replied, ecstatic.

"Okay, you're the last person on earth who should be given the Season 2 DVD collection of Desperate Housewives," Phineus said.

"Exactly!" he shouted gleefully.

"What? Never mind," Phineus said, shaking his head, "Anyways, so why do you want that, Leota?"

"Because, it's all part of my evil plan! And because it's just so darn funny! Seriously, did you see last week's episode?! That was pure genius!" she cackled in an appropriately menacing manner.

"Fine! Whatever! We'll get you the stupid DVD! Just tell us where Lobster is!"

"Not until I have my DVD!"

"Erg, we don't have time for this! We'll find the sheep ourselves! Come on, guys!" Phineus shouted, exasperated, and he stormed out of the room.

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**A/N: How was it? Hope everyone enjoyed. The story is coming closer to drawing to an end! Wahahaha! Now you should all press the little purple button below and send me some nice little words of encouragement! They always make my day…**


	8. A Very Random Ending

**A/N: Final chapter! Everyone enjoy, and be sure to check out the acknowledgements at the bottom of the page! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Disney.**

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_Meanwhile…_

George walked briskly down the hallway, headed towards the library again. He had to finish that paperwork before he went to sleep! But then, all of a sudden, he got the strange feeling that he was being followed…

He whipped around, scanning the corridor, but it was empty. He shrugged, then continued on his way. He turned for a second time when the sound of soft little footsteps echoed around the hall, but it still was vacant. He sighed, but kept going. He really needed to get some sleep…

He was sure he heard something this time! He spun around, and this time he was surprised to find that behind him, there was a sheep, chewing on his coat tails.

"This is so…_bizarre…_"he muttered to himself, "And I think I know whose sheep this is…" He took a few steps forward experimentally, and, to his pleasure, he found that the woolly animal mirrored his movements. "Excellent, now I can go bust those three once and for all!" And he set off with a determined air.

* * *

Phineus sat, slumped against the wall, discouraged.

"We've run out of rooms to look in," he moaned, "We have to find that sheep! It's like it's moving, or alive or something!"

"Weird," said Ezra. Gus meandered over to a large urn, turned it upside down, and shook all of the ashes out of it. He peered into it, head disappearing for a moment in its large neck.

"Empty," the dwarf sighed. Phineus kicked the wall.

"What are we going to do now?!" he cried in frustration, "And no, Ezra, we are not joining the circus!"

Just then, George came down the hall towards them. Phineus leapt up, fearful of the expired aristocrat.

"Aha!" George cried, "I caught you! Look! I found your little sheep! It's right here!" he spun around, gesturing to the ground. There was nothing there. "W-what? It-it was right there!" he sputtered, "It was right there, just a second ago! I finally had you! It's gone! Where did it go?" he spun around frantically, searching for his evidence, "I swear, I had it! I had it!" The Hitchhiking Ghosts exchanged looks. Maybe he had finally snapped…

They began to creep away, hoping he wouldn't notice, but before they could get too far, Wolfgang walked in, holding the sheep out in front of him, while it happily wagged its tail, licking the depressed organist's nose. He chuckled contentedly, hugging the furry creature close. What had gotten into him?

"Wolfgang?" George asked, halting in his hysteric muttering to eye the man suspiciously, "Is that you?" He nodded cheerfully. "What happened?"

"Well, you see, there's just something about sheep that always makes me so happy…It all started way back when I was nine years old…

_Begin Flashback (Computer monitor fades to a field of flowers, where a young looking Wolfgang and a fluffy sheep were running happily together slow motion-style) …_

"I had just gotten Bach, my pet sheep, and we were best friends…"

"Whoa…" Ezra interrupted, "Little you looks exactly like you, except he's…mini…"

"Ahem, as I was saying, we were best friends. We did almost everything together, but we both especially loved running slow motion style through random fields of daisies. We had such fun…But alas, one day, while we were running, this random midget came out of nowhere, and bashed my poor Bach's head in. I was distraught. To this day, I still loath midgets. But the sight of sheep always makes me so happy, despite my usual grumpy demeanor. Brings back such…happy memories…" he broke out in sobs, clutching Lobster tight, causing the poor sheep's eyes to bulge.

Gus approached the crying ghost, patting him on the head awkwardly. Wolfgang tried to bite him, but Gus slammed him with his ball, knocking him unconscious. He was dragged back to the ballroom, and left there. The remaining people returned to the hall. Gus hugged Lobster fondly. The sheep had regained its usual unresponsive persona.

"So, you were smuggling a sheep behind my back," George said, "That's…weird, even for you."

"That's what I said!" Phineus exclaimed.

"Gus keep Lobster," the tiny man said determinedly.

"But, we can't keep a sheep in the mansion!" George cried.

"Why not?" Gus asked.

"Well, because…because we…well, w-we can't…" Each of the three hitchhikers gave him a pleading look in turn. Finally, he gave in, "Fine, you can keep the darn sheep!" he said, and stomped off. The three friends cheered.

"Well, another adventure added to the many of the Hitchhiking Ghosts," Phineus said, "What now?" Gus grinned wickedly, and slowly drew the cat collar out from behind his back again. "Gus, no. No, Gus! NO!!!!"

George paused a the end of the hall. Coming from where he had left the oddballs came the sounds of Phineus' shouts, Gus's sobs, and Ezra's maniacal laughter. He shuddered.

"I'll deal with it tomorrow," he muttered, and he closed the door to the library.

THE END

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**A/N: Thanks to…**

**Aquarian Wolf for your continued support and reviews!**

**I think therfore I am for all the wonderful ideas and support!**

**.. for your reviews!**

**And any other reviewers to come in the future, your reviews will always be appreciated!**


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